I have been conflicted of late with the disparity between my calling and my nature. I have questioned if they are one in the same. In countless bible stories, it is thus: God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called. But in many others, as oft in Western society, the movers and shakers of the day get church work done. Already, I digress.

A great friend and spiritual guide of mine, Bryan Cooper, said to me recently, “You know, Jay. Things don’t have to be Christian for God to speak through them.”

And he’s right. I can tell you, I have learned more from worldly men than I have ever learned from priest or pastor. I once had a sexually perverted employer that steered me away from my own perversion. His filthy lust for any female disgusted me, made me realize what I was on track to becoming. I have had friends that drank heavily, and their hangover headaches and uncontrollable vomiting pushed me away from drunkenness, long before I ever opened the Bible to Proverbs 20:1. The yellow skin of smokers and the acrid taste of ashtray kisses warded me off the stuff before I ever started.

Today, God spoke to me in a book held high in our world. This book is not a literal account of events, and it doesn’t have the seal of God’s men to approve it as truth (see also, Council of Nicea). In truth, the author of this book is not only a non-christian. He is a muslim. Khaled Hosseini’s

The Kite Runner

has been in my posession for a long time, and it appeared in my hands with an answer to my prayers.

God spoke tonight through a fictional sunni muslim, a man called Rahim Khan. He left a note to the main character Amir.

“Amir jan,
I enjoyed your story very much. Mashallah, God has granted you a special talent. It is now your duty to hone that talent, because the person who wastes his God-given talents is a donkey. ”

While I have no doubt as to the value of this proverb, I am torn as to its particular application to my life. I realize that the face value seems simple. “Don’t waste your talents.”

I am an artist, as you may well know by this website. I had once considered being an artist of many mediums before I came to Christ, and afterward, I thought to become a graphic designer for a church. I feel a strong call to ministry, specifically to church pastoring. I have two desires for how to serve God with my life, and I am not sure which would be best for me! I have long been conflicted about God’s specific will, and whether He even has one for each person. It has been eating me up inside for several months.

I haven’t really raised a ruckus about this confusion I am experiencing. I don’t wish to weigh people down with my problems, and I figured that most people wouldn’t understand, anyway. But, conveniently, God decided to take care of the issue for me.

I’ve been talking to a really great friend and sister in Christ named Amanda who also has a talent for art. She read

Heart of the Artist

by Rory Noland and taught me something amazing, without really meaning to. She said “As an artist, normally you want to choose either ministry or art, but from that book I learned that I need to balance them both. They’re both equally uplifting to God, and they’re both equally part of me, the one God has made.”

I sat dumbfounded, and explained what had been happening in my life as of late.

Balance, huh? It makes me think of Eastern religion. Makes me want to scream! Makes me want to just PICK one or the other and live with it.

But that’s now how God made me, it’s not how I’m programmed. So I’ll do things God’s way.

It feels nice to actually have a conclusion to this issue.

A summary in list form:

• God may or may not have a specific will for each person, but I don’t see a scriptural basis for a specific will beyond giving glory to Him with everything we do.
• I have an affinity for art.
• I have a calling to ministry.
• I wasn’t sure how to reconcile these two things.
• I’ve been studying scripture and trying to discern God’s will.
• I no longer believe in God’s will as most evangelicals today believe in it.
• If what you are doing gives glory to God, you are doing a good thing; don’t stop!
• If there is a way to give more glory to God, by all means, pursue it!
• I will reconcile my artist and pastor sides, embracing all of myself instead of placing special importance on one or the other; they’re both parts of me that God made!